The Homestretch

When I began this post, it was from a place of fatigue, being overwhelmed, and frustrated with a non-napping and whining toddler. I'm glad I let it age for a couple of days. 

The title of this post has me in slight disbelief. Already? It is the homestretch, but I feel more like tossing in the towel, rather than sprinting toward the finish line. I'm 38 weeks. It could be any day now. But, I don't really allow myself to believe that. I need to be prepared to greet week 42, if that's what it takes.

I'm grump-tastic.  I have been all week.

In general, related to the pregnancy, I was feeling really good. When compared to my pregnancy with Henry, it has become apparent that my job (as an ICU nurse) really took a toll on my body. Carpal tunnel, back pain, swollen feet. This time, physically, mentally, emotionally, things were ok. Until I hit the wall. And maybe this week's cold (a cold, again!?!) put me over the edge. I'm large. I'm tired. And this time I know what's around the corner. Sleepless nights, early mornings, possible fussy evenings, and a high-energy toddler to boot.

Are you ready? This question seems frequent these days. Not just from others, occasionally my own mind turns to tasks to "be ready." However long the "to do" list, I'm still not sure I'd be able to answer this question in the affirmative. It's not so much taking care of a newborn. I feel slightly more confident and at ease in that role this time around. It's everything else that's got me down.

My vision of a stay-at-home-mom has not, in the past, included the following:
1. cold cereal for supper (more than once a week)
2. letting my child play outside in his underwear (in an urban setting)
3. sleeping on the futon while "supervising" my toddler (-ahem-, I can neither confirm nor deny this). ;o)
4. mine fields of toys on the floor (since when did the floor get so far away?)

Perhaps this means I am reconsidering my standards. New job description of a stay-at-home-mom to follow.

Week 36

I am so thankful that a friend loaned me a maternity dress. They are a challenge to find in stores!
Week 36 is upon us, which means I have a month to go, plus or minus. (hopefully minus?!)

This is the part of pregnancy where I start feeling "large and in charge." Keeping up with Henry is a challenge these days. He is moving faster, and I'm moving slower. However, the schedule we do share is roughly the same for trips to the bathroom. This is convenient to continue work on the potty training.

Thankfully, I have yet to develop the horrible carpal tunnel syndrome I had with Henry. And, in general, still feel fairly good, despite some days with major low back pain. Intensive therapy has begun for this symptom: massages, hot baths, yoga, and stretching. I've also been trying to wean Henry off of being held, at least while I'm standing anyway.

Week 28 profile

A profile view...
Time seems to fly when you're not counting weeks of pregnancy as closely as the first time around. Week 28 already? Third trimester here we come.

Doctor visits are going fine. Baby's heart rate is consistently in the 150s or 160s. (so all those who like to speculate gender can have at it!)

New Year, New Thoughts

I've never been one for New Year's resolutions (good thing, because we're looking at the last week in January, and I've got nothing). This year, it seemed entirely overwhelming to think about intentional, positive change. Goals. Resolutions. Let's be honest, given the news just shared on our blog about the new baby, change is inevitable in 2010. I'll be happy if we manage to satisfactorily cope with raising two children simultaneously.

Additionally, I just try to survive day by day. I was recently asked by a prospective residency applicant's spouse what a typical week was like, intern year or otherwise. There really is none. Some rotations are SO time consuming for the resident that families fly solo much of the time. And others are slightly more flexible, with hours close to 9am-5pm. How's 7am-6:30pm? We try to take FULL advantage of these weeks. But the ups and downs get to a person. Particularly a pregnant person. 

So we enjoyed our holidays. Henry LOVED all the attention. I caught a glimpse of what life can feel like when I'm not the sole caregiver. I was able to go to the YMCA twice in one week, get a haircut, grocery shop by myself.... we both became spoiled. And I knew it would be hard to adjust to George's ugly OB schedule during January. We would have to learn, again, what life is like with "just the two of us" (or 2 and 1/2 of us?)! 

What I was unprepared for, however, was just how big of a let down it actually would be. We were in the thick of it. Post-holiday blues, in the bleak mid-winter (cabin fever & seasonal affective disorder), solo parenting frustration, and pregnancy issues (hormones and heartburn, a bad combo). Just when I thought I could climb to some higher ground, we've all caught horrible colds. Ugh. Sickness. 

In the midst of our struggle though, I have, on occasion, had more positive thoughts. I'd like to share.

This quote made me laugh.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

~Jean Kerr

I'm so glad people are really excited for you when you tell them a new baby is on the way. It helps me become excited, too, despite nausea, heartburn, and fear of the unknown.

In the book Conversations with God, that I read quite some time ago, the author divides motivation of thought, feelings, and actions into two categories. Fear and Love.

I confess, I started out in the fear category for a while.

• I felt that we had hit such a groove with Henry. Life was good. We were confident in our skills to manage one child, public spaces, household chores, etc. So what were we thinking adding a variable to the equation when we'd just gotten things figured out?
• Henry went through a phase of not letting me hold another baby. In fact, it was a rather shocking and violent phase involving screaming "MY MOMMA", crying, and trying to knock the baby out of my arms. That's scary for a momma who knows that holding a newborn is central to caring for one.
• My greatest stumbling block was the thought that I would have to learn how to divide my attention and multiply my love. Wondering if I could ever do enough.
  

Recently, I've turned the corner and am actually looking forward to meeting a new family member.

• Thanks to other friends having second babies and coping just fine (in fact, adjusting with flying colors) I'm sure George and I will find a new groove. It may be a bumpy transition, but I'm hoping to find a smooth spot on occasion.
• Henry's phase of jealousy toward babies has developed into complete adoration for babies (we've been trying to read more books about new babies, which I think helped). Once he's had a chance to hold them and check out all body parts, he's a pretty assertive little lover. Plenty of hugs, kisses, and sharing of big trucks with them. He must really like them if he's willing to part with a big truck. I also learned through his interaction that second born babies are extremely tolerant of a little misguided sibling energy.
  
• As for multiplying love. Someone wisely reminded me that with the birth of a 2nd baby, a sibling relationship, entirely separate from the parent / child relationship, is also born. And it is a beautiful thing to watch unfold.
  

New Year, New Life

Coming May 2010...

Due Date / Week 40

Happy Due Date!
Apparently, only 4% of babies arrive on their due date, so my hopes aren't set too high. If something does happen, I would consider actually playing the lotto with these numbers, because I would consider myself really lucky! And I'm not a gambling person.

So here is the Week 40 picture. I do hope its the last in the series, but there are certainly no guarantees when it comes to the timing of Mother Nature. Its just me hanging out in my T-shirt and jeans, enjoying the first couple of days of vacation.

George and I have been talking to the baby to try to convince it that there is so much more room out here to stretch and play. This would actually be more comfortable for mom and baby, but so far we must not be very convincing.

Our bags are packed for the hospital, so we should be ready once labor actually begins.

That's the news for now. Just us hanging out, or hanging in there, and so far, baby's hanging on...to the comfy and warm surroundings of mother's belly.

Maternity Leave

So I'm officially on "maternity leave" -- which, lets not be fooled, is simply vacation time used in combination with short term disability benefits. Sending in the leave of absence forms was slightly amusing, as they make pregnancy sound more like a disability rather than a naturally occurring life event. Part of the leave of absence forms are filled out by the nurse at the clinic and included phrases like "patient is currently not incapacitated" or part of the treatment plan for return to work "continue with prenatal vitamins and appointments." Describe the medical facts which support your qualification for the Family and Medical Leave Act: "enlarged uterus and fetal heart tones."

Anyway, my last day at work was Saturday and I feel good about working as long as I did. It was certainly challenging, but working up until two days prior to the due date is quite an accomplishment, I think. Apparently my co-workers agree, as the surprise on their faces when I showed up for work was clear, as well. I did finally come to the realization that it might be a good idea to have a little downtime before the baby arrives, in addition to not dealing with the stress from work. So they just took me off the schedule for this week. With the added appointments, it was probably a good idea, scheduling-wise.

Now I'm just (patiently) waiting for maternity leave to be just that -- more about mothering.

George and I spent Sunday basically curled up in our cozy apartment avoiding the freezing rain and gray day. We rented a couple movies the night before (but fell asleep part way through), so we finished them in the afternoon, had a nap, and basically just hung out in the evening. It was quite nice, and who knows, could be our last weekend as "just the two of us" for a while.

Prenatal Appointments

We (probably mostly me) are getting a little impatient here as the due date approaches. I had an appointment today, and unfortunately nothing has really changed since last week. All my doctor can really tell me is that my cervix is softening and I'm maybe a centimeter dilated. Not very promising, but I'm still hoping.

Next week I'll have to go for fetal non-stress testing and ultrasound to be sure amniotic fluid levels are ok, since I'll most likely be passing the due date. This is just to monitor baby's condition and decide if they'll induce depending on how long I go without delivering and the situation for baby.

I find this quite frustrating, as that means more appointments and time at the clinic -- another reason we're happy to live close to the hospital, but it sure would be nice to simply move from "expectant mother" to "motherhood"! I guess the important thing is baby will come when baby is good and ready. No matter how "ready" Big Momma feels.

Week 39

Here's a photo of me as Nurse Charlotte. Again, not very flattering, but I'm thinking that any good picture of a pregnant person has required special lighting, make-up, and camera filter. I have none of these.

Oh, and this picture was taken after working two days in a row of very busy 12 hour shifts.

The following is a very typical conversation for me at work lately.
Me: Hi, I'm Charlotte, I'll be your nurse today.
Patient: When are you due?
Me: Next week.
Patient: What?!? (wearing a very shocked look)
Me: That's right, I have 7 days left, give or take.
From here the conversation usually follows every other conversation with strangers...
No. I don't know if its a boy or a girl.
Yes. Its my first.
I don't look big? I sure feel big.
Ok. You can feel my belly if you really want to. For a brief minute.

It is pretty amusing to me how many people want to rub the baby belly. Personal space has become very limited. Both outside and in. Baby toes are poking their way around, looking for the escape hatch. ha!

So Week 39. Here I am. Just wishin'...and hopin'...(makes you think of that song, right?) and thinkin'...and prayin'

My next doctor's appointment is Friday and we'll see what he says about how long he's going to leave me in this state. He alludes to induction, after week 39. Of course, that is all dependent on my body showing a few more signs of readiness to deliver. Right now, no sign. Just plannin'....and dreamin'...

Week 38

Here's the Week 38 photo, including the new life-saving wrist brace that now allows me to sleep at night and not awaken in the morning (or middle of the night) with excruciating pain. Yay!

To tell the truth, this photo has been on the camera for a couple of days, but the battery was dead (or I should say batteries -- the back up one also not charged) so the camera would not stay on long enough to download to the computer. I guess this is a good lesson for us. Note to self: Make sure the batteries are all charged up before we REALLY need them -- ya know, for anything important coming up. Like the birth of our first born!

People at work this week are convinced that the baby has dropped. Looking at the new photos of me, I sort of have to agree...though symptoms really haven't changed too much.

Speaking of work, its becoming increasingly difficult. I'm going to attempt to get through one more week, after that I can't make any guarantees!

Week 37 and Counting

Here's what I look like most of the time now. Trying to keep my feet up and ride out the last few weeks in the recliner, attempting to find a comfy position with baby's feet up in my ribs. Week 37 and counting!


The second picture is the usual profile to compare belly sizes, and includes my best "happy face" -- which is becoming somewhat strained. You can ask the co-workers... ha! I was just thinking today how I felt sorry for my patients for having such a crabby, pregnant nurse care for them! Oh well, at least my condition tends to be a distraction from their situation.

Three (+) things

Lately, I've been told I've been a little (ehem) grumpy. This last month of pregnancy has proven to be quite challenging with the added discomfort of an ever growing belly and major fluid overload.

So, I've been wracking my brain to think of three positive things about being nine months pregnant. It was truly a challenge to shift into positive thinking about this condition, so here we go.
___________
3. People are generally very helpful and nice to me. I don't know if this is due to pity or kindness, but either way, its nice to have a few smiles thrown my way, or have people offer their seat, or hold a door, etc.
___________
2. The belly serves as a very handy storage shelf when sitting in the recliner watching TV. I've been able to balance dinner, or the remote, or a good book on it (though not all at the same time).
___________
1. It is VERY easy to wash my belly button because it sticks out so far!

New Poll

Hello!
I just want to draw your attention to the new poll on the side of the blog. You can vote whether you think baby will be a boy or a girl. Take your time, think about it, and please, only vote once. You have until Feb. 15th to let us know what you think. After that, we'll see if you're right!

(Can't you tell I'm home by myself, playing around with new features on the blog?)

Can't wait to see what everyone thinks!

Almost Week 36

Here is a picture just 3 days shy of Week 36. At this point, I've totally rounded up and consider myself 4 weeks from delivering. I'd hate to think how disappointed I'd be if my due date came and went with no baby, but I suppose there is that chance. I'll have to deal with that possibility when we get that far. If I must. I guess. (My fingers are crossed, but its hard to type that way).

I finally got a maternity top that has a high neckline. When I saw the forecast for this weekend included temps in the single digits at night, I went on a quick search for appropriate apparel and was very lucky to get a sweater on clearance ($6) -- hip hip hooray for bargain shopping days!

The people at work were kind enough to throw a baby shower for us. Here we are before our big night on the town, and before our social life is completely annihilated by entering parenthood (though I'm still convinced parents get to have fun again at some point...). We had a good time, some good food, and brought home a carload of baby items....onesies galore!

Here's me starting the gift unwrapping. A co-worker was VERY excited about the card that she made and wanted to be sure I shared in her excitement.

January Thaw

Seems we've had a little January thaw recently. Though this morning we have an inch or two of snow on the ground, last week we had rain, rain, rain, and a little fog to go with it. Made me wish for spring...ahhh.

It doesn't appear, however, that spring will be upon us any time soon, as they predict the weather will be quite chilly this weekend, with highs in the teens over the coming weekend. Bummer. Though I'm sure you haven't tuned into the blog for the weather report, I would like to say this has been my warmest winter on record. Generally, I'm fairly coldblooded and have to dress appropriately for comfort, which includes layers of shirts, sweaters, scarves, hats, gloves, etc. This year, I have not had to sport the hat, scarf, and gloves very frequently. Either this is because I'm now a walking furnace with the extra body in vivo, or the temps simply haven't been that extreme. Perhaps even a combination of the two, I suppose. Either way, its been nice to be at the same comfort level as George so there are no arguments about turning up the heat, or getting an extra blanket on the bed. Even at work I've been fine in a short sleeve shirt when in the past I've worn scrub jackets for extra warmth. George is hoping that even after the baby is born, I'll be able to maintain this body temperature. Somehow, I doubt it.

Work has been more and more difficult lately. Its just been making me super tired. On the days I don't work, I've been enjoying sleeping in, with more naps, and a little shut eye. I guess I also figure I won't be able to do this once the baby is here, right? But seriously, I've been trying to work my days two in a row and near the end of the second day its all I can do to finish up my work. Whew.

One more pregnancy complaint before I go: I woke up this morning with incredible carpal tunnel. I've had a few small episodes of numb hands, but today they were almost painful to the touch. Yikes. And last week I had to take off my wedding rings because of the swelling in my fingers. I'm definitely counting down the days until delivery...at my last appointment, my doctor said that at this point, if I went into labor it wouldn't be stopped and they would just let me deliver. Its nice to be at that point, knowing that most likely, the baby would be fine. He also said baby was positioned head down (yay!) -- I could have told him that, with the number of kicks I get up under my ribs.

Over the weekend, George and I got to go see our friends' 3 week old newborn. It was so much fun to cuddle with their little one. In addition, I really enjoyed hearing about how quickly the pregnancy symptoms will subside once I deliver the baby. No more swelling from extra fluid, no more sciatica or carpal tunnel, no more shortness of breath, no more heartburn. Oh happy day, when we get to meet our new little buddy!

Week 33

So, this isn't the most flattering picture of me, but I wanted to get an updated "week of pregnancy" photo posted. It certainly does portray the wear and tear of regular pregnancy on a person. I look like I need a little more sleep. Lately, its become more of a challenge to find a comfy sleeping position, its hard to move around, and I find myself getting short of breath easily as the baby is pushing on my ribs and diaphragm. Unfortunately, sleeping, breathing, and moving around are all activities I like to do on a daily basis! Baby is really starting to cramp my style.

Speaking of cramps, I've also had the joy lately of waking up with a severe charlie horse. I've had leg cramps before and am usually able to stretch it out in my sleepy state. Well, these are a different breed. I have to actually get up out of bed and stand on the leg to release the tetany. Its no wonder my legs are so sore they feel like I've run a marathon. The muscle is actually fatigued by the cramping!

Its a good thing I only have 6 weeks left (if baby comes close to the due date). I'm ready to have my body back!

In other things baby-related, we've been making more preparations at home. My sister, Jennifer, was very generous and gave me two big bags of baby stuff: breast pump, bottles, clothes, blankets, etc. The challenge is finding space for all these things in our little apartment. So, George and I have been rearranging some closet and drawer space to accommodate these items. We've been laughing at the size of the clothes as we folded the laundry. A tiny person is really going to wear this stuff? And who knew something so small would need so much stuff!!?!

Birthing Class

hee hee hee who.
hee hee hee who.

On Saturday, George and I attended a birthing class at the hospital. Though we both know what happens during the birthing process and have an idea of what to expect, it was good review. The more important details for us included information about where to park, what entrance to use, what to bring, a tour of the birthing suite, and rules about cell phone usage. They also talked quite a bit about relaxation techniques, breathing, and pain relief measures. We practiced some breathing, did a few exercises to relieve back pain, and watched some videos of vaginal births and cesarean sections.

Watching the videos is not exactly my cup of tea. I don't know why. As I write this, I'm realizing its not the first time that watching a video of a procedure has had a negative effect on me. When I went to have my wisdom teeth removed, watching the video made me queasy and I ended up requesting general anesthesia instead of local. The same happened with the video of childbirth. Seeing women in the pains of labor actually decreases my confidence for delivering naturally.

So I guess I'll try to put those images out of my head in the next few months. I figure, if I can tolerate the pain of a broken ankle, climbing back up along the cliff side to the hotel, I can handle labor and delivery. Maybe its similar to the phenomenon of handling needles all day as a nurse, but not wanting to watch if someone else draws my blood.

Anyway, I apologize if this was too much for everyone to read. I'm home alone because I have a few days off. So its just me and lappy -- and the thoughts and words just come flowing out...
:)

Everyone take a nice cleansing breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. It'll be alright.

Week 29

Instead of spare tire - here's the baby bump (a more flattering view).

"Biggest Gainer"

This month was a big month for weight gain. Rather than the title of "biggest loser" (from the TV show) - I think I would have been a major contender in the category "biggest gainer." Or at least "quickest gainer." I gained 15 lbs since my last appointment 5 weeks ago. Yikes! That's 3 lbs per week, and I doubt that the baby put on all that weight. Though it may seem like it as my belly has really been popping out more!

I received a good report at my doctor's appointment, however. He wasn't really concerned with the weight gain. Quote: "your frame can handle it. "

My blood sugar test was normal, as well as my anemia test. Baby's heart rate was 135. The only new thing I've noticed lately are Braxton-hicks contractions. Though these are painless, they can be slightly uncomfortable. I'm truly amazed at the strength of the uterine muscle! And this is only practice for what is to come!

Baby continues to be very active. Sometimes I get kicked so hard it makes me laugh. Especially when it feels like there is a table tennis match going on -- ping pong from one side to the other.

Now I'll have appointments every 2 weeks, until Week 36, when I'll go every week. I'm so glad I live close to the hospital. I thought it was hard enough to find a time each month for an appointment.

Week 28

Well, here's the Week 28 photo, post Mexican fiesta dinner. A different sort of pose, which seems to have had the effect of making the baby belly resemble more of a "spare tire" than I would like.

I have a doctor's appointment this week and I'm very afraid of the weigh in -- I have a feeling the combination of the quantity of food consumed last week, and the amount of time spent just sitting idle in the car was a poor combination for increased weight gain. I bet if I added up the travel hours and submitted them as trucking hours, it would be a hefty check. Needless to say, my back and legs and ankles are still recovering from the journey! I can almost find my ankle bones again.

More to follow about the trip out east. Photos will be included!